Love her writing style….
I just had someone call me a survivor the other day… then I had someone call me over zealous in my duties at my current job.
Well… when you’ve lived a life that forces you to be a survivor, someone who can thrive on nothing and someone who can make a living by just wits and pure dedication, can that person really be accused of being over-zealous?
I consider it a blessing. I finally have a job that I enjoy and love – one that I have no problem dedicating my time and energy to, yet I’m getting name called by the more apathetic employees. To them I say – go lose everything you have and live on a street for a bit – maybe then you will appreciate all that a JOB can do for you. It gives you purpose and it gives you a drive to get things done.
Even if it is the most unpleasant job in the world, it is giving you the means to live your life out! How is something that great not worthy of your efforts and talents?!
There’s my ramble.
Don’t get too excited by the title… there are (believe it or not) more than one use for the word “abstinence”… in this example I am using it referring to the pleasure that I used to get from writing in my journal and using that as my own form of therapy.
The past 6 months… I have abstained from writing in my journal… not by choice but by some wall that has suddenly cropped up in my head. I don’t want to write in it for a dumb and terrible reason – I don’t want to look back in the years and see what I was doing now. How stupid is that? I know that not all of the choices I make are solid… but I should at least be able to write in my journal about them so that I can vent in my own personal “truest form”. I don’t do well talking to other people about my problems… obviously… I’m writing my issues into a blog instead of talking to a close friend about them.
My biggest issues at the moment are my improved living situation… and my romantic situations. For some reason I feel the largest amount of unease when I think about writing the happenings of my life… or even the thoughts that I might have about what’s happening.
Where I live is so much more improved from 9 months ago… I no longer live in my car, I don’t have to crash on friends houses and scrape up quarters and pennies for my laundry and food. I love where I live – most of the time – and I am slowly building up my professional life to exist in more of a solid nature.
Yet… when it comes to putting pen to paper… the words all leave my mind and I’m left to simply write a narration of how uncomfortable I am writing in my own journal. The words “maybe it’s my stupid pen” actually exist in my journal thanks to today’s effort.
At least I’m trying… and soon I need to try again to write more about the unbelievable happenings of my life. In this blog I’ve written some of my most intimate secrets… and can you believe it…. there’s more! As I say to myself all the time, “it’s simply horrendous how many stupid secrets I have”.
That’s all for today… I don’t seem to be in a writing mood … no matter what the platform.
On my post Janitor’s Closet I got a comment that said “you are not alone”.
How sad is that… how sad is it that there are so many other people out there, hurting, and mostly… alone.
I know that I’m not alone, that there are other people who have gone through the same things I have… but the sad part is… most of us keep so silent. Perhaps not out of fear, but for reasons concerning personal space and things like that.
Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if more of us stood up and said, “you’re not alone”. Would we be closer as a community, get tired of the same ol’ story or would we work together to help and heal and support each-other? Hopefully it would be a combination of the first and last.
There’s my short little rant for the day… I’m much too tired to divulge another emotionally wrecking story… so there’s a little bit of my minds inner workings.
So I made a page that was for pictures… but I guess it didn’t really work? Well… I’m going to re-post the first one and then I also wanted to share a new one.
You can have 10 points if you can guess what building this is…
This is one of the few places that makes me truly happy. Even just seeing the picture of it I get all excited and can’t believe that I was lucky enough to go there.
Also… here’s the last picture that I posted… slightly edited… but still the same feeling – first day of the Fall Semester and I saw the most beautiful sunrise.
I get to see lots of really beautiful sunrises now… living in your car it’s hard to not wake up with the sun… but at least it usually has beautiful colors to make up for the groaning sounds of an awakening city.